Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday, Stinky Monday

I have nothing better to do. Obviously. You most certainly could tell that by looking at my perfectly organized, spotlessly clean and tidy house. Just so you know, it's Monday. I'm sure most of you did not miss that fact.

Potty training is a funny thing. Not really, but stick with me. An unexperienced person might think that potty training is merely "training" a child to do their business in a toilet. That is SOOOO not the case. It is so. much. more. Think of all the steps that you take, without thinking, when you go to the bathroom. First of all, there's actually going to the room one calls bathroom. Sometimes (certainly not our house) there is a closing of the door. Then, pulling down of pants, sitting on the toilet, and doing the deed. But don't think you're finished there. After pulling up your pants, usually the next step would be to flush the toilet. In my house, ALL parties (including Hubba Hubba) must close the lid. And it does not irk the heck out of me when company misses this step.

You might find this an unncessary step, but when I lived in the country where the water was the color of ground up carrots, I didn't want even my cat (now gone) to drink the stuff. Hubba Hubba, the then BoFro, had no issue with complying. (just so you don't think I had to train him too. He's highly untrainable, that one. Am I digressing? Nope. Not me.) Anyway.

These days, it's a good measure to take to prevent things from falling into the toilet, especially considering it may or may not have been flushed since last used. Or, to keep toddling infants from playing with anything that might be in the toilet. ahem. Once the toilet has been flushed, lid closed, you now must wash your hands. Of coarse, everyone that has been trained by me, amazingly completes all of these steps, every. freakin'. time. they use the john, so I would never walk into the bathroom to find my baby of 14 months playing with and (no I'm Not going to say it, wait, yes I am) eating fecal matter. Feel free to grab the nearest waste receptacle and gag your guts out. I'll wait.

So obviously, this morning, when I was checking on a certain little boy who was not putting on deodorant did I find my infant child swishing in the bowl. I most certainly wasn't incensed and then quite relieved upon seeing that there was NO fecal matter in the bowl. ooph.

My not quite six year old does not have body odor the likes of which could fell a large man.

Enough gross. Revive yourself. Grab some ginger.

One of my favorite kitchen utensils is the pizza cutter. It wonderfully slices cleanly and easily thru most things. I have discovered that life is much easier if I bring it along to places where I know it will be used (not to exclude the mall, because plastic knives are worthless, and there tends to be lots of eye rolling when I ask the pizza guy to cut that ginormous slice up for my 2 yr old). So last night when packing for a church meeting, which included free pizza, I did not pack the pizza cutter first, before sippy cups, diapers or bibs, all of which were not afterthoughts once on the road. Nor did I have any such thoughts that surely someone would notice my genius and declare me some sort of supermom. I was not right, and this did not fluff my ego. Because my ego does not need fluffing. The real story is that I am a super mom. And you should all bow down and admire my highly imperfect ways.

Pizza cutters are also attractive toys for small people (and by that I do not mean midgets). They are essentially safe, and so I didn't balk when my 14 month old was playing with last nights pizza cutter. Even after I noticed a piece of pepperoni still on it. However, when he started banging it on the window I decided it would be a good idea to remove the offending object (pizza cutter, not pepperoni) from the perpetrators hands. This did not cause my little bugger to throw a major tantrum, the kind where they conciously throw themselves, almost in slow motion, to the floor, roll around a bit, flailing and kicking their feet. I do not marvel every time at this phenomenon, wondering where they learn these things, and why this would be inate behavior. I most certainly did not have the desire to laugh when he paused to check out my reaction. Seeing none, he did not just stop.

He is not now in his bed for a nap.

Thanks for the share-apy, folks, compliments of MckMama. Now, I'm gonna go outside and take some pics of snow on leaves, and hopefully include them in an I Love... Mondays post. No, I did not just say SNOW, on October 12. And this is not our second, and second measurable snow, of the year. Where did fall go? Oh, yeah, same place as summer. So hey, check for that post, and join me in I Love... Mondays. Back in a few!



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