Thursday, May 26, 2011

On Forgetting...

I'm a mom of five. Five in just under seven years. That's a lot of sleepless nights crammed into a fairly short amount of time. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my mind, both for having five kids, and because I have five kids. Pregnancy brain can only carry you so far - and then how do you explain all the forgetting.

I forget school snacks and registration forms, I forgot to bring my checkbook to the babysitter's, and then kept forgetting to pay her later - for two whole weeks. I have failed to provide immunization forms for preschool for two years, until the school year is almost over. (And last year I don't think I did it at all.) I don't forget birthdays or phone numbers or where I parked my car, but I seem to forget a lot of other stuff that makes me feel so scatterbrained. Well, I am scatterbrained.

Life seemingly passes by in such a blur. I need to stop and sit a while. Not sit on FB, but to sit and  watch  and  see  and  listen  and  hear.  I want to remember these days. The smiles, the sillies, cute toesies and nosies. I want to always be able to remember how they smelled, and how I held them as babes, how they later wrapped their chubby little arms around my neck, practically squeezing my head off, one of them.

But also in the grasping on of these days, I don't want to forget the "me" days, which seem to keep getting lost in the shuffle. I don't want to forget my dreams, my passions, how to laugh, how to dance. I don't want to be forgotten under my mom-gear, that once, once I was a whole person who lived independently of a spouse or children. My identity was found in me and who I was, mostly, and how I had become reconnected with an identity in Christ. But it seems I don't have time for all that "me" stuff anymore. Not even hardly for "God" stuff. I don't want to forget how to speak Spanish - it is my passion, my soul song, my gift. I don't want to forget how to dance and prance and not fall down when I do. I don't want to forget how to hear Him, to see Him, to seek and to hunger for him. But I'm afraid it is happening, has happened.

If only the world could stop for a day, or slow down just a tad. I could use a big pause button, to press at times so I can gather my thoughts, my messes and my intentions. But the flurry of my life, or life right now, seems like a giant whirlwind, tossed and torn and strewn about. I want to see beauty and joy. I want to  see  my life so I won't forget.

Cuz today,

I went to town to buy milk and pears.

I came home without milk.

Story of my life.

I want to be more intentional. I just hope I haven't forgotten how.


  1. Oh, I know just what you mean...and I haven't had 5 kids! I think because we are WANTING to be intentional...God is gracious to cover those days...those MANY days...where we seem to forget more than we remember! He knows!

    Glad to have found you here in our 5 Minute Friday community! Thanks, too, for stopping by my blog!

  2. Haha, I say pregnancy brain just carries over into "Momma brain." One of my friends says God takes a part of your brain to make a baby. So, that means that part's just plain 'ole gone. So "baby brain" does last! :-) Nice to meet you through Five Minute Friday.

  3. I've often wished for that pause button too . . . and it goes faster the older our children get.

    I had my first five children in 4.5 years - this included one set of twins . . . . and we went on to have a dozen altogether! NEVER dull moments - our oldest is 24 - youngest 4. :)

  4. I like your spin on this - not to forget you!

    I also still have pregnancy brain and I find it rather inconvenient when I'm in a conversation with someone I just met and asking a question then saying, "Oh, I'm sorry. I just asked you that." lol!

  5. I know exactly how you feel. Now I know what you mean about the milk when you commented on my post.
    Very sweet thoughts. Feels like you just shared part of yourself.

  6. Oh goodness. I only have two and can relate. I can't even imagine your day to day. Praying for you. Praying for you to be able to hold onto the preciousness of motherhood without losing your own personal call. With Joy, Carey

  7. I have five kiddos also, and man do I forget stuff! A couple weeks ago I forgot that the burner was still on--with the frying pan still on it. I melted my favorite spatula. Worse was that I felt like a real dummy.

    I also understand the need for "me". I'm going to try to take up Zumba just for me. I'll have to drive 50 miles to get there, but that just means more quiet time for me. LOL!

    I have two favorite words at the moment--Proactive and Intentional.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    Dumpster Diver