Monday, December 8, 2008

Monday Monday Monday

Well, here we are, back at Monday. Yet again time for more conscience cleansing of parental imperfections. Not that I have any. Nope. Not me. I have no tales to tell, no mishaps, no blunders, no embarrassing moments. I am THE IMAGE of grace, beauty, and poise in all my endeavors, especially parenting.

Be sure to hop on over to MckMama's place to check other moms' Not Me, Monday posts. It's surely good for a giggle or two, and a great way to find out that you're not the only one!

So to begin...

1. I did not find these 2 photographs, and about 27 others, on my camera, indicating that someone (um, KJ?) had gotten a hold of my camera and used it without my knowledge. I would not be so irresponsible as to leave my camera in a kid-accessible spot. And if I wasn't guilty of leaving it somewhere reachable to small children, I most certainly do not have the sort of children that climb like monkeys to get things they should NOT have. Because I don't breed monkeys. That has nothing to do with the name of this blog. And I most certainly do not have problems finding new places to put things so my kids can't get to them. I have never been heard screaming "Is nothing safe in this house?" I don't yell.

2. This was not one of the pics found on my camera, that is not my desk, and those are not fingerprints all over the monitor. My desk is always orderly, never piled high with mountains of things that should have been attended to weeks ago (at least), and I am such a magnificent housekeeper that you won't find fingerprints on any surface in my home. All is shiny and tidy. Always. (But isn't my Cheeky girl such a cute little ham bone :D)

3. I did not have one of the most traumatic experiences of parenting this week while in Gymboree. My Cheeky girl did not totally dive bomb into the foot of a clothing rack, gashing her chin, her lower gum and knocking loose one of her top front teeth. She was not gushing blood all over. I was not SO RELIEVED that my mom was in Barnes and Noble and could immediately come help me tote all my 4 children to the car until Hubba Hubba could get there. And I did not still manage to buy a sweater for my birthday boy anyway, despite the chaos.
4. I did not almost have an anxiety attack at the thought of tooth removal and stitches, remembering back about a year ago when we had our first suture experience as parents, and did not begin this near-panic attack because I was specifically remembering the screams of my then just 1yo daughter, as they treated her before the anesthesia had kicked in.
5. I did not pitch a fit and basically threaten the pediatric dentist on-call because he didn't want to come in, with going to another dentist. I was not a slightly hysterical mother.

6. I did not purchase IttyBits for one of my children and her only, while at my son's birthday party, because I did not feel bad that she can't eat anything. I would never do such an unfair thing in front of other children. (And if you're interested, check out the nice gash on her chin.)

7. I do not nearly gag any time she breathes on me because her breath stinks so bad, mostly due to finger sucking. And I have not thought of ways to freshen her breath because brushing is out of the picture until her gums heal. That would be unsympathetic to her delicate condition.

8. I did not lose this child in Walmart on a busy Saturday evening, in the height of the shopping season, because she is not such an agile (well, obviously not always agile considering how often she falls) monkey that she climbed out of the front of the cart while it was moving and wander off to the electronics section, while I had my view obscured by an infant car seat. It did not take until I was in the baking goods isle to notice that she wasn't there. And when I finally found her hanging out at the electronics counter, she was not attempting to take off her pants and diaper, to the dismay of the very young workers, because her diaper didn't weigh about 5 lbs from all the pop she drank at the birthday party.

9. I am not putting up this pic just to brag about my handsome son and beautiful daughter. I am not proud of them. And they are not extremely cute children. (They're the ones on the left.)

10. And I would never brag that I throw the best birthday parties of all my friends. My food is not the best, my themes are not the best, and my cake decorating skills are certainly not to be complained about. I would NEVER brag. I wallow in humbleness. (But if any friends friends should happen to read this, it's not that your parties and cakes and food isn't good, it's just that mine is better.) I did not just say that. :)

11. And finally, I am not rather reminiscent of the birth of my first born child as he turns 5 today. I did not share with him the story of his birth. That would be corny. I do not feel overjoyed at what a great little boy he is. I am not proud of him at all.

Have a great Monday!


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