A little serious

I promise I'll follow this with a happy, festive post. But I've been thinking. And I need to spit this out.

I've been noticing and thinking about this for a while, about how I feel stuck in between the need to's and the have to's. Both are necessary.

It's life's struggle between all that I have to do. I have to make meals, do laundry and clean the house. I have to love on my kids. (Not that I don't want to love on them, I do. It's because I love them that I know the importance of having to love on them.)

I'm not talking about a spic and span house, beds all made, laundry put away, counters cleared, 4 course meals on the table inclusive of all the food groups, afternoons spent frolicking at the zoo, or daily crafts that grow their imagination and fine motor skills. I'm talking about the basics. And I seem to barely, or not, have time for even the basics.

The house getting clean is the least of my worries. (And trust me, if you saw my house you'd believe those words.) Making food for their bellies, (and mine, and my hub's) is not optional. Neither is laundry. I can try and wear the same outfit a couple days in a row, but eventually I gotta change, and there's still lots of laundry. (Like, for example, the work clothes that I should have going for the Kong, right now. And lemme tell ya, he's a " wee bit" cranky when he wakes up, and when he wakes up and has no clean draws or socks, he's really cranky.) ahem.

No, I would not know that from experience. Who me? ;)

Loves, hun. :D smoochy smoochy

What I seem to still not make or have time for, is really sitting down and enjoying my children, all 5 of them currently residing in my house. A quick hug and and 'I love you' while hands gloved and full of dishwater suds seems to be about all I can manage to squeeze in. And I'm sad about it.

I'm sad about the fact that George said to me that I should play with him sometimes. When I agreed, he told me I just needed to have courage. Now while that interchange was cute, it also was not. It was not because my son needed to tell me, with WORDS, a thing he is not long on, that I need to spend more time with him.

I'm sad every time Schweetheart comes up and gives me a hug that I didn't do it first. (Not that I'm sad she hugs me. That part I like mucho.) Because I know she need, wants and loves hugs. And she's a lovable hugger. And I love to do it.

I'm sad I haven't take Boots to the park in over a week, and then it was another week before that, I think. For a kid who longs to be outside all day, everyday, that's not good luvin.'

(Koko and Cheeks are off the list because I fixed them a tea party lunch today, so that was something. Only I guess I didn't enjoy it with them. So maybe they're on it too. sigh.)

And lately, while my kids seem to be driving me insane begging for my attention, all I can seem to do is scream about being quiet and leaving me alone for one cotton pickin' minute.

It's never been a secret to me that I'm not the best time manager. I can multitask, sure. What mom/woman can't? But I shouldn't be multitasking while loving my kids. Unless the tasks include relaxing, having fun, laughing, etc.

Part of the struggle lies in not having personal recharge time. Gypsy Mama said it best in her recent post, "Parents as people seem to exist only in the fringe hours of the day. And those hours are frayed around the edges." Which says it well, for me. I feel frayed around the edges. I feel lost from my free time, my husband seems like an alien. And when it comes to taking care of all the little people, I only seem to manage the bare minimum.  No, I'm not a bad mom, and I take essentially good care of my kids. But, in my own whacked out way, I'm a perfectionist, so I don't want to be just a good mom, I wanna be a great mom. Yes, this to shall pass, and blah blah blah. I just worry about getting down the road and wondering "who am I, who are we."

So, you magical Wonder Mom's, do tell. How do you do it? What's your secret? How do you balance it all? And please don't answer "by having fewer kids / I don't know how you do it". Those are now long unoriginal statements. lol This really isn't a whine post. I just want to hear your tricks. Or, your struggles. Cuz a little commiserating is good, too. :D