Definitely NOT ME

Well, it was definitely NOT ME who discovered that the awful smell emanating from the microwave was in fact not food but a worm that should have been fed to our turtle. 

It had NOT been there FOR A WEEK, stuck underneath the turntable, being drug around and run over continuously, stinking up my kitchen.

I most certainly DID NOT think that it should have been crunchy and dried out by now, with all that microwaving it had gotten, instead of juicy and extra disgusting. I mean, really. Doesn't food normally get dried out with too much microwave action???

I DID NOT get talked into tearing down our old, decrepit, safety-hazard of a gazebo by my good friend who was home for a visit, without first consenting my darling hubby. I would never take such drastic measures of home/yard improvement into my own hands, and bust out the Sawzall to chop that baby up. No way!

I DID NOT totally rock the Sawzall.

I have NOT had to be the mean old mom this week so, so many times. So much so that I DID NOT threaten my 4 yr old daughter with leaving her at home if she did not get dressed immediately. I most definitely DID NOT follow through on that very threat when she refused to choose one of the many options of pants, socks, and shoes placed before her, and leave her sorry butt at home (with daddy) while I took her younger brother to preschool this morning. 

I certainly DID NOT say to my rockin' spouse (so rockin' that he has not only fixed the front step, but finished chopping up and burning the rest of the gazebo - an all day Sunday project, shampoo'd the living room carpet AND fixed my leaky bathtub faucet - sorry, little brag there, ;D ) that "I'd rather stab myself repeatedly in the eye with a dull pencil that to try to get my 4 yr old to do something". WAY too melodramatic for me. :P

And I WILL NEVER admit to making this post today purely for the chance at entering my name into the hat of an online photography workshop giveaway. I DO NOT need to improve my photography skills.

This post has been part of MckMama's blog party, where we all join in the share-apy of telling the world things that most definitely DID NOT *wink wink* happen in our lives recently. So what have you "not" done this week?

Flashback! to Not Me Monday.

I guess the madness is back! MckMama has brought back Not Me Monday, and since it's usually theraputic comical (not that comical things ever happen in my house *wink wink*), and I need some therapy humor, I'll join in. Here are some of the things that "did not" happen at Casa de Monkeys lately.

It was "not me" who both thanked and apologized to the preschool teacher as I dropped my 3 yr old off for his first day of preschool.

It was "not me" who forgot to give Boy Boots a much-needed haircut before his first day of school, and thus had to rectify the situation with entirely too much hair gel. He did not come home with a head full of "gel flakes" to the point where it looked like he had a case of extreme dandruff. On the bright side, he got a lot of compliments on his "hairdo."

It was "not me" who celebrated today as the first day of school for all the kids (minus baby - who napped the entire time, btw, woohoo!) by DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. No way would I waste the opportunity to do some much needed tasks around the house without the interruption of my many monkeys.

It was "not me" who was so shocked to come home Friday afternoon and find my hubby fixing the sidewalk leading to the house. I would never choose to communicate in off-handed comments and then be elated to find that someone actually listened.

It was "not me" who cracked the new concrete sidewalk before it was dry after painstakenly trying to keep everyone else off.

Because Aunt Flo was so late upon arrival, I "did not" contemplate getting a pregnancy test, nevermind that the "road has been closed," ifyaknowwhatImean.

It was "not me" who asked my hubby to drive 15 miles one way just to buy me "turkey bags" (you know, for cooking a turkey), knowing he would just for an excuse to ride his motorcycle, not only because I needed a turkey bag, but also because I wanted a turn on the computer.

It was "not me" who decided to introduce Huggyface to his first table food experience by serving him the full turkey dinner I made, complete with stuffing, turkey and gravy. This choice, on my part, was "not" so that it would entertain him and I could blissfully eat my own plate of food. He did "not" enjoy every fistful finger licking morsel that was placed before him. Neither was he wearing a good portion of it. There was "not" turkey under his eye and I "did not" find that amusing.

I "did not" do that same thing with chocolate animal crackers on the way home from church, again in an attempt to keep him quiet.

And finally, it was "not me" who ate TWO bowls of ice cream last night (while everyone else had... none)  WITH caramel. I would not have justified that move with the fact that the first one was a little small, and that since I've had a rough week I deserved it. (Neither would I divulge on the world wide interwebs that such stress-induced behavior has gained me about 4 lbs this week.)

Well, there ya have it. Have anything to add? What have YOU "not" done this week?

Man in Motion

Or rather, Baby in Motion.

Video from a month ago. He already seems older than this. sigh. (that's my mama-heart breaking)

He never stops moving. When he's eating, his arms and legs are constantly in motion, by rotating his wrists and ankles, kicking and banging. It's no wonder he eats so much. He burns it all off as it's going down.

He has also worn out that "bumbo" seat, as you can see it cracked in the front. What baby wears out a bumbo??? Oh yeah, mine.  Monkey in training. aka Wild Man.

You also see George popping in, complete with bedhead and his 3rd cast (which is now off and replaced with a removable splint.). Please nevermind the state of the house. This was shot before/during/after clean-up clean-up time. We live in a constant state of living. It's the way it is with Many Small Monkeys. And I guess, we wouldn't have it any other way. (Not that we could if we wanted to.)

The new things I learned as a parent this week.

End of summer, VBS, back to school prep, sick kids, cleaning projects.... All equals busy busy.

I had a couple nights of up and down and up and down the stairs, on the hunt for drinks, thermometers, medicine, blah blah blah. No barf buckets, though. (YAY!) Throw in some fever-induced, delirious, crazy dreams and a freaked out child who wanted her mama to sleep with her, and you have one sleep deprived lady.

I was so tired.

After 2 nights of this, following one late night at WallyWorld where children should never be at 10:45 pm even if the reason is to attempt to finish school shopping to avoid another trip to town (Lesson #1), I was so... so.... t i r e d.

So I didn't pick up the living room before I went to bed. Lesson #2.

These toys are evil. Not as bad as Lego's, but almost.

The reason, however, why I came downstairs at 4:37 am, and walked across a landmine of a living room in the pitch black of night, was to obtain a diaper for a super-soaked baby. I could have sworn I changed his diaper before I put him to bed, but with being so tired, it's possible I just imagined it. (Not sure if this was a lesson or an oversight)

Diapers can only hold so much pee.

Really. It's true.

Given the time, and the fact that my eyeballs were protesting light, I decided to change this diaper by the light of the moon. Lesson #3. Or is that #4.

You may not know that super-soaked diapers do one thing... explode. Yep. They explode these little balls of gel. Pee-soaked jelly balls. Thing is, there's no warning sound to alert you this has happened. So imagine my surprise as I am trying to change this diaper in the dark and there's.... stuff... sort of slippery stuff by my knee. Did I mention I'm changing this diaper in my bed? Where I was sleeping? sigh.

Now

I

am

forced

to

turn

on

the

light.

s i g h

By turning on the light, I have discovered large quantities of pee soaked jelly stuff all over my bed where I was sleeping, and this stuff is impossible to clean up. It just r-o-o-o-lls right around when you try to pick it, swipe it, whatever.

Captain Huggyface was none too happy about the light, and since he's at that uber-mobility age of constant motion, diaper changing could qualify as an acrobatic circus feat. Throw in some pee-soaked gel balls and whamo-chango! Midnight madness. All in all this was not a pleasant experience.

But that's not all. (Cuz you didn't really think that was the end of the story did you?)

Diaper changed, baby back in bed on his way to slumber, me madly swiping jelly balls out of my bed (and at this point I "didn't care" where they landed - on the floor was just fine with me as long as they were out of my bed). I layed down. There is clearly still stuff in my bed. #tootiredtocare

I roll over, but there's something in my mouth.

What's that?

Oh no. ugh.

Oh, yes. You guessed it.

A pee-soaked jelly ball in. my. mouth.

I often see people online use an acronym that I'm not quite sure what it means. Find Me Liquor? Or something else. In this moment, either one would have been appropriate.

(Post data: those gel balls, once dried, become crunchy. How fun is that to wake up to?)