Monday, December 21, 2009

Virally Not Me. *UPDATED*

Since we're all viral here this week, I figured I'd jump in again on the viral band wagon of MckMama's Not Me, Monday post. Since it's been a while and all.

We do NOT have boogers abound  in our house. I did NOT just have a monkey use me as his wiping pad, leaving a streak a mile long on my fresh, clean, new sweater. Oh, yeah! Stylin'!

It is NOT a virtual germ-fest over here. On Friday, at George's birthday slumber party, when we figured out he was probably coming down with strep throat, we most certainly called each and every parent right away. We would NEVER allow the guests to stay because one of them was already on antibiotics for this very thing, and the other, well, we WOULDN'T have figured he'd already been exposed and what would another hour or so hurt.

Oh, and in talking about the birthday party... It would NOT have been my children who stripped down butt naked in front of their friends, to change into their pajamas. I would NOT then realize that I need to have a talk about privacy and proper dressing etiquete. Ahem.

The next day, I rushed George right in to Urgent Care the minute it opened. I would NEVER dilly-dally so long, and mistake the time it closed for a later hour, that when we did arrive it would be closed.

I did NOT want to just send him to school today anyway, despite the 24 hr rule. (I didn't.)

In fear of more viruses, I did NOT call Pediatrics at 8:02 this morning to schedule an appointment, and then, when I woke up and had sense enter my brain, call an hour later to cancel, knowing that it's just a cold. Because I Love having the doctor tell me, "it's a virus, nothing we can do, hydrate and rest."

Cheeks does NOT feel like she's missing out, and insist she's sick, and tell me she neeeedddsss medicine. She does NOT nearly have a tantrum when I refuse. I have NOT been giving her extra vitamins to get her off my back to stop crying.

Baby boots, yesterday, needing a snack, did NOT just mosey on into the kitchen and scour the floor for a nice tasty treat. He did NOT find a few chunks of baked potato from the day before, and then attempt to share a "biiiiii" with me. No thanks. No bite.

I always sweep my floor after every meal. NOT. (Actualy, I sweep my floor before the meal. So very backwards. I know.)

I do NOT have 98% of my Christmas shopping left to do. My husband being gone working all week will NOT exacerbate this problem. The Christmas shopping that I have done is NOT because I found a good deal online or bought a thing or two at the grocery store. Aldi no less.

I have NOT felt like a bah humbugger all month hearing about everyone else's fantasy-like tales of Christmas decorating, holiday traditions and cookie baking. My kids have NOT been begging me to put up the tree and decorate for at least a month, and I did NOT avoid the topic because of all the work and complications this would add to my life and the life of my one-year-old holy terror monkey messer-upper. I do NOT let the thought of messes deter the fun.

I am NOT going to go make my first cup of coffee for the day. Or, should I say my fake coffee. What I drink, it's a stretch to call it coffee. I'm sure I'd have more great NOT's to share but, I'm running on low fuel, here. You understand.

...and the thing I thought of and just couldn't resis putting on here...

I did NOT find Mr Boots swishing in a poop filled toilet again yesterday. This is NOT a very regular occurance. We do NOT spend so much time grilling our kids about the importance of flushing, closing the lid, and closing the bathroom door. This training falls just short of mind control or dog shock collars. Unfortunately, the Baby has learned how to open doors, and loves to spend his day doing so, among other irritating things. So the only safeguard is flushing. After finding the culprit of flushing failure, I did NOT call him in later (I had an emergency need upon finding the offending disaster, so I let it go for that moment.) upon seeing a small piece of someone's leftover that didn't flush (sorry to be gross), and ask him to pick it out of the toilet. Naturally, he jumped a the chance to pick up poop. I did NOT continue to gently push him towards the toilet, saying, "No, you need to reach in there and get it." It was at this point that he did NOT start crying (THAT was unintended). When I did asked him why he was crying, was it because that's gross? Oh yeah? Well, that's how Mrs. Bananas feels about Baby Boots playing with your poop. So FLUSH! Nope, that's NOT what I said. I would NEVER do such a shocking and traumatic  thing to my child to teach him a lesson.

NEITHER did I find the toilet again unflushed, later. At that point I would NOT have called him in again, and told him that next time he would be drinking dirty toilet water.

I AM totally NOT serious about that. Seriously.

Have a merry day.


  1. HAPPY NMM. Sorry you guys are so illin' over there. Here's to a healthier week ahead!

  2. You crack me up!

    Hope everyone is feeling better there soon.

    I still have to do most of my Christmas shopping- and my boys decided to give me all their germs, so I feel awful. Definitely a fun time at the mall, right?

  3. This so could have been a day out of my life, actually I think it was! I hope everyone is better soon!